Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize