I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
