He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
