You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
