I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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