Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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