everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
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