it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
