Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
