He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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