can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
This is the high leading the old right now
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
