We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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