Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
