We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
