I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
