3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
