just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just high enough for therapy.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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