Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
