It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
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You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
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I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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