Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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