I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
