dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
