I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
