she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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