Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
