mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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