Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
