Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
