buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
