I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
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I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize