you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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