thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
