Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
