so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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