Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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