my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
