Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
