You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
