So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
