Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
