not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
