He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
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he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
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