I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
