Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I want to make a zoo with you.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
