just survived the first fart of the relationship.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
