We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
