Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
