U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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