We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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