margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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