Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
do herpes really smell.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
