i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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