I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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