my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
