he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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