i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I AM VODKA MAN
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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