My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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