How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
