why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
