I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
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