Tell her she can't have a vagina
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
