she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
