Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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