You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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