you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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