Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
