break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
