i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
