I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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