Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
