Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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