I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
sarcasm needs its own font
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
