the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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