I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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