I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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